6 Pieds at Heartroot Farm

Okay, so the photo’s not the best, but the evening itself was wonderful!

6 Pieds Sur Terre, the band I have been playing with since mid December 2009, played a show in “the barn” at Heartroot Farm on May 3rd.Though missing two of our members, we managed to reconfigure ourselves to play all our usual tunes (all composed by band members ans including accordion, sax, bass, guitar, banjo, mandolin, piano, flute and voice, not to mention drums & tablas when our crew is complete…for this show we were lucky enough to have our friend Jean-Francois to play cajon in the absence of our drummer Simon)

It was a small event with 20 or so close friends and family, but it was an important beginning for us nonetheless. The eventual desire is for regular musical events to be happening at Heartroot, one of the major drives behind finishing the construction of the extension to our house, which is going to be our main performance and workshop space. Our aim is to finish work on the extension this year so as to be able to host people during the winter months without the ridiculous cost of heating our leaky, though renovated and somewhat insulated, barn.

We also were blessed with a guest appearance by Matt Stern in combination with myself. After the show had ended and all the tired parents had left we sang into the wee hours for the remaining diehard farmers…Time to learn more French cover songs!

After a few false starts spring appears to have finally sprung…

Whether it’s for real or not, none of us can withstand the urge to get outside and get our hands in the dirt.

This week I got my wheel-barrowing muscles back in shape by lugging mulch from next to our cow’s cabin up to the garden space behind the house. I managed to complete a second layer on what had been mulched last year but haven’t finished covering up the parts we are going to expand the garden into this year.
I discovered that imagining the mountains of food to be produced with grace and ease as a result of my efforts was a very good motivator…

My mom and I planted 20-some fern “mothers”, rescued from a clearcut site near Montreal by our friend Peter Kettenbeil (to be co-teaching the PDC course here at Heartroot with Graham Calder from August 20- September 3rd…shameless promotion J), down in the flood plains by the river.
This fields used to be completely clear and used for agriculture but over the past five years or so brush has grown up over the entire field.
Fiddleheads apparently go for a pretty good price (and they’re extremely easy to grow!)…so we’re hoping to get some future much needed income from this.

A few fir trees had started growing in front of our house, working their roots down towards the foundation. Excellent!
I dug them up out (easily accomplished due to the shallow, gravelly soil in that area) and transplanted only a few yards away along the property line where we’ve been planning to create hedgerows to break the wind, block dust from the road and the views of gossipy old neighbours.
Planting trees feels extremely satisfying…perhaps because it feels like more of an investment in the future than any vegetables or herbs one might plant.

I also started work on a loft sleeping space in our barn to create more indoor summertime lodging. This was motivated in part by my moms reports that there are half a dozen Costa Ricans planning to spend a month or two or three our here this summer, in addition to all our workshops participants and potential WWOOFers…
This project mainly involved moving junk that had been stored up there, cleaning, affixing a ladder to the wall and constructing a small-child proof railing. It felt good to be using a saw and drill in a modestly competent capacity. I hope that this year will provide opportunities for me to gain in construction skills and confidence in building

Please contact me (through the “contact” page on this site) if you would like to be sent a copy. Due to popular demand and my own inner conflct in using mass amounts of paper for photocopies, I will also be making an e-version of the zine in the coming weeks.. 

Suggestions of groups and organizations to contact or locatios to place the zine are also more than welcome!

Thanks to many of you for your ongoing support of this project… I continue making these zines because the conversations and reflections that arse as a result of them are still inspiring and take me, and hopefully others, to deeper levels of understanding of my/ourselves, the world we live in and the ones we can and are creating.

(voix des femmes invitation)

This Sunday I performed at the Montreal vernissage of the Voix des Femmes exhibit.

The exhibit was held at the Ars Longa Gallery in the east end, beyond the edge of the world that, to many west enders, is symbolised by Papineau street (unless you happen to knit, in which case you may have venutred this far to visit “La Bobineuse de Laine”, two buildings down from the gallery- a magical little shop, jam packed with wool of all colours and textures imaginable).

This same exhibit was presented at the Magog cultural center in November. Through performing at the opening in Magog I met Edith Beausejour who invited me to b part of the band she was forming with some frien, 6 Pieds Sur Terre, that has become a huge part of my life. It’s amazing to reflect on how choices may seem so small at the outset but can unexpectedly have such influence on our lives…

The four women presenting their work in the Voix des Femmes exhibit are incredibly inspired individuals. Louise Latulipe and Jo Cooper I’ve known since I was a child. It feels very special to have come to a place where we can collaborate on projects like this together…a recognition and measurement of how far I have come, that I now am brought into the circle as an equal, with my own history and creations to present. A blessing also to feel the support of these older women in my life, to feel that they are caring for me by introducing me to more and more people and providing me with opportunities to share my work.

As Jo said during the presentation, I am representing the next generation of artists to take on the honour and responsibility of carrying a message of transformation in the world. This feels like less of a load when you have the physical experience of others standing beside you…

I spent a few days…(or tried…) curled up in my bed while the winds whipped over our little valley.
I feel very affected by windstorms…more than any other elemental event. The currents blowing through the wood walls of the farmhouse were also working their way through my body’s system, washing away layers and layers of things no longer needed.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on any of it…I just knew that I had to lie still and let the emotions and thoughts come in waves, and go just as quickly. I couldn’t hold on to anything.

The spring equinox is approaching, the maple sap has begun flowing (looking out over the hills we can see little plumes of smoke coming from all the sugar shacks hidden in the woods…) and people are ready to be outside again! The “albido” (fancy word for “reflection”) from the snow is blinding when the sun shines on it. I’ve taken to sitting on the unfinished balcony of the extension to do my writing in the morning hours, wrapped in blankets, winter coat, gloves and hat. “Take that, winter!” I shiver. “Oh, stubborn northern child,” the wind blows, chuckling.

A new inhabitant has come to join me at the farm! Alex T. The snow-ball has begun.
After a constant stream of visitors this winter, including 9 houseguests this past weekend, I am learning a lot about spaaaace— how to give it and take it, how to dance within its limitless confines. I am excited to see how this new living situation works out…having housemates in the country is a completely different experience from the city where one can go weeks without having a real conversation (just too busy! Conflicting schedules! No time!).

One of the most enjoyable parts of living in the country is that I see the same people regularly. In Montreal, though I know more people quantitatively, I tend to see friends once a month at most unless I live with them. Here I seem to have daily, or at the most weekly interactions with the people I love (and am challenged by). The quality of relationships is such a different one…
We learn to know each other and to rely on one another.

I’ve been living primarily at Heartroot Farm for almost a year now! People are slowly beginning to realize, myself included, that I am here. Traveling to Montreal less is allowing me really start to sink roots in. I feel a sense of community and belonging that I haven’t felt here before. When I walk outside I immediately see a billion projects in need of attention…waiting for the season where outdoor work is feasible.
I feel connected to the daily rhythms of the land.
I feel, for the first time, quite complete with being.

We’ve just passed the darkest day of the year. The return of the light is upon us.

Sweat Lodge at Heartroot Farm

This past weekend we had our solstice retreat and sweat lodge. There was something qualitatively different about this one, something that escapes description. This type of deeply transformative process is often beyond words. Something shifts inside you down to your cellular structure and you’re left feeling changed and speechless.
The sweat lodge is like giving birth to a new self. You emerge naked and wet and a bit off balance…into the world where hopefully a fire and warm arms are waiting to catch you.
Inside the womb there are screams and tears and laughter, all of it our own. In the darkness some of us are afraid, some of us angry, some of us finding what we longed for…being held, all encompassed, safe.
Something important happened for me here. It was the furthest I’ve been able to go in not being in my head during the passing of the talking stick. Things came out of me straight from my belly- I let them go.
I watched myself struggle with song and speech, let myself rock and weep. I found some deep fears related to my voice- my voice that everyone praises me for, my voice that, to me, feels like my connection to all being, my power. My voice turns me into a conductor for the highest part of myself.
I’ve wondered often why I find it so hard to take my place vocally- to speak up and sing out, to guide others in song and in thought- when I know that this is my place of power.
Well, exactly. We run from manifestation, we see our full potential as threatening. What if I’m wrong? What if I fail? Or worse yet, succeed? What would life be like if we allowed ourselves to be ourselves, to be joyful and grateful and complete…every day? Every waking instant?
We don’t trust ourselves to know what to do with freedom, with peace, with unconditional love. We have been trained into opposition of these states of being.

In the sweat lodge a little piece of that resistance came loose. And the crack spreads, and spreads.
I feel like crying as I write this. As I become aware of the fact that I might not be able to hide for much longer. I am petrified. I am humbled. I am grateful for the opportunity to come closer to myself, that spark inside me that lights up when I am that I am.
Ooooh shit. Here come the waves.

Opening ourselves to possibility is like screaming “hello?” in the universes inner ear. We are bound to get one hell of a response.
So I look up to the sky, a bit nervously. What’s next?

A band has fallen into my lap. A group of beautiful musicians who want me to play with them. In the Eastern Townships, near Heartroot Farm, not in Montreal. What I’ve been asking for! Today I am off to our second practice. This will be an excellent opportunity for me to push myself to learn and write more French songs and to actually practice my instruments. It’s also exactly what I’ve been looking for in terms of regular, fun but dedicated collaboration.
I’ve also been to another recording session with Pierrot and it looks like we’ll be able to have an album done by springtime. Now what to do with that? Hmmm….

fruiting bodies at cagibi in montreal

January 8th the newly formed band Fruiting Bodies took the stage in Montreal’s Cagibi cafe. This was our first time performing all together…The photo is missing out sixth member, Meghan Riley, who played a solo set in addition to the Fruiting bodies compositions, as did Eleuthera and I. It was amazing to have some of my songs transformed by five part harmony for the first time!
keep your ears peeled for our next appearance…

I arrived on the island of St-Croix on the 30th of November. Somewhere over the Bahamas I had realized that I had never really been on an island before. The idea of being on a small piece of land surrounded by deep, deep ocean was briefly terrifying. I decided, while still in the air, that I was a certified lover of landlocked living.
The 30C weather was a bit of shock to my winter ready self, but I warmed to the vitamin D accessibility pretty quickly.
Soon after arrival I hopped into the back of a pickup truck with four other Gaia U Associates and headed off into the sunset.

Perhaps this would be an appropriate place to explain Gaia University itself a bit. I’ve gotten so used to talking about it that I mention it offhand now. But for those who didn’t know, I’ve started a Masters degree program with this place. Gaia University was founded only a few years ago by Andrew Langford and Liora Adler. Gaia U offers an alternative to the current institutional education system, while still providing recognized degrees. Gaia U is based on action-learning which means that we learn while in the midst of tangible projects. Degrees are earned through thorough documentation of socially and ecologically conscious projects as you are implementing them. Projects are generally relevant to the life and thus, learning, of the individual earning the degree. I will be working on Heartroot Farm, with its many facets, as well as developing my performance/artistry as my Gaia U projects.

Advisors from Gaia U are responsible for guiding you through the process of whatever project you choose, and for providing advice, resources, etc. I am hoping for a lot from this, as I have been lacking a mentor in my life for some time.Associates (word used instead of “students”) also become part of a Guild of people in your chosen pathway and degree level (for example, I am part of a Guild of MSc Associates in the Integrative Eco-Social Design pathway). For myself I’ve chosen to be part of this because I strongly believe that changing the education system is an essential part of human transformation. Being connected to an entire network of people who agree, and who are actively “unlearning” all the structures and programming of the current system, and engaging in earth and people care, I think, is important for my life path.The fact that I will come out of two years of working on things I love with support from a large network of “world changers” with a degree thats recognized by institutions worldwide, is a bonus, not the driving factor. In fact I am at odds to see where in my life I will ever do anything that requires me to have a degree. Nevertheless I felt called to do this- so after a few months of fighting with myself, I have begun the journey. We’ll see where it leads.
We arrived at the Virgin Islands Sustainable Farms Institute (aka, as all farms are, “The Farm”) after dark. After being given some welcoming hugs (by strangers, in the dark )we were guided to the community center.

The community center is the hub of the farm and is where we held the majority of our classes and activities throughout orientation. It’s also where the kitchen is. Hence the center of all activity.
The CC is a solid building, built to withstand hurricanes such as the one that hit St-Croix in 1989 and devastated the entire island. The roof is covered with solar panels that provide the majority of the energy for the farm, which is completely off-grid.
I was given a brief tour of the essentials—bathroom with solar heated water, resident cockroaches and geckos, showers with three walls and one side of banana tree barriers—then guided to flat ground to set up camp.
I ended up in a bamboo grove somewhere. I learned over the next couple of nights that bamboo groves sound like rainstorms when the wind blows through them. I woke up continuously wondering when the flood was coming.
Before bed the first night I helped Gabriel, a new friend who I had discovered was a fellow clown within 2 minutes of meeting, set up a sail on his raft on the pond where he slept.

The chicken tractors at the farm begin their warbling communications around 4am most days. This reaffirmed my suspicions that most chickens do not wait until sunrise to crow. The ones in Nicaragua would start at about 2am, so I was thankful for the relative introversion of the island variety.
After a few hours of sleep and this fowl waking call, I wandered off to the community center. This was the first of every morning I would spend watching the sunrise from my sit spot on the hill beside the CC.

(Dec 7th)
The World Begins
glowing
falling to the waters of our births
carried upstream
reaching towards the source

Mornings are my time to be both quiet and joyful. I feel a strong connection to other early risers. There is this common sense of peace and inner playfulness that comes with watching a day begin.
This first day there were only a few other folks arrived so we ventured down into the town of Frederiksted to enjoy the Caribbean waters before the intense activities of orientation began. The water of the ocean was calm and sweet (well, salty actually, but you know what I’m saying…). We walked along the beach chatting (I discovered that Carrie, another new MSc associate, was also going into partnership with her mom in developing a farm!…) and came upon some coconuts, which we promptly decided to smash open and devour en masse. Ian, from Mexico, had lived off of coconuts at some point in his life and was excited to share with us the full variety of coconuts at different life stages, Besides what most of us know, the white fleshy stage, there is also the germination stage where you can find an edible “sponge” inside the coconut. Older coconuts turn into a condensed, opaque, oily flesh, which is kind of like deep fried donuts in its richness.
After our beach feast we explored the town a bit. I was surprised to find it looked just like every other tropical colonial city I’d ever been to. Same architecture, same feel. Very tourist oriented.

The walk back up to VISFI was through jungle-like forest. We stopped at a watering hole to wash the salt off ourselves. At some point we were passed by a military convoy. Not long after we saw a low flying, enormous black helicopter scouting over the fields—apparently looking for illegal marijuana growing. Very creepy. You’d think on an island of Rastafarians the police would’ve found something more socially acceptable to occupy their time with.

By evening time most of the other Associates and guests had arrived, so we had some get-to-know-you activities and question periods/orientation to the place.

The Daily Pattern was so— breakfast at 7am, morning chores from 8-9, then morning sessions with the whole group.
Morning chores were a rotation of cleaning the CC, cleaning bathrooms, caretaking animals, projects in cabanaland (the guest house area) and gardening.

My first three days I was put on garden duty, which was a joy. I learned a lot about tropical plants that I may never see again. Miracle plants such as Noni and Maringa, tasty leafs and teas like bayrum and bush sorel and vine spinach (vine spinach ?!?). I walked around eating things off random bushes all day, every day.

As fate would have it I ended up in a chore group with two other singers, Penny and Elke (from the Regenerative Design Institute in California), so the mornings went fast through learning and sharing chants and rounds. As of the first day we were taking every spare moment to sing together.

Waking up at 4:30 I ended up helping out with breakfast set up most mornings-(this often broke out into morning dance parties).

After lunch we had a break and then another pre-supper session, followed by eating, another session and then either sleep of merry-making, depending on your resilience.

Content

To share some of what was discussed in the many hours of Gaia U Orientation sessions…hmmm.
We started out looking at a lot of theory and references related to Action Learning. One of the models we explored was David Kalb’s four quadrants; concrete experience, reflective observation, active experimentation and abstract conceptualization. This is a model that’s meant to be helpful for people engaged in action learning in that can see where you lie on this graph at any point and it can help you identify where you need to put more energy in order to well balanced in your learning methods.

We also looked at David Allen’s system of “Getting Things Done”—related to this we were introduced to a program called “Thinking Rock” which is an online organizing system.

There were quite a few sessions where we were introduced to the various facets of the Gaia U online system. A lot of people needed extra assistance in familiarizing themselves with the technological side of things. We discussed the, somewhat flexible, requirements for our various pathways in Gaia U.

We spent a lot of time working on various mind maps in small groups to explore our individual projects and share them with the group. This was a particularly inspiring piece for me-getting an idea of all the amazing work people are doing around the world was wonderful, and it was also a great opportunity for me to reconnect to my excitement about my own projects- Heartroot Farm and my work as an artist, to put some umbrellas out there. A sentence that stuck with me, which has been reverberating in many other parts of my life as well, is that “this is the age of collaboration.” Gaia U is essentially a way for world changers, social “actionists” to connect and support one another in tangible ways.

I admittedly hovered on the edge of many of theses sessions, occasionally playing the butterfly, to use “open space” terms—This was a great learning for me in and of itself- to be able to let go of feeling guilty for needing to not be sitting in one place for hours on end, to let go of my fear of missing out and let me intuition and body guide me to where I needed to be. I became a lot more comfortable leaving when I needed to in the second week…and ended up in the garden or on the beach more often as a result.

There was also a lot of material being talked about that felt really familiar to me and so I decided to leave the context when I found things frustratingly basic—accepting this feeling and letting go of my self-judgment (perceiving myself as being arrogant) was also a very good thing.
Having been around action-learning (learning through living…the idea that we figure out what we need to know in the process of our life projects and learn them as needed…as opposed to being told what we should know, given no choice in the matter, and no context in which to appreciate why we need to know what educational institutions/the government say we need to know (which we usually don’t really need to know, it turns out…)) my whole life and living in a context where “integrative models” (e.g. the native american medicine wheel) are applied to just about everything, where healing of patterns in our lives for both personal and global reasons is a main focus and emotional expression/communication is a norm …is kind of different from lots of peoples backgrounds methinks. That wont always be the case!

We also had our first meetings with our Process and Content guilds as well as advisor meetings during this time. (“What the heck does that mean? “- well, process guilds are essentially to be support group through the “process” of our individual gaia u pathways…talking about our challenges and learning, sharing resources and inspiration, etc.. Content guilds are a space to have focused discussions and share about specific topics that we believe will enhance our learning pathways…Content guilds generally start out with some broad topic, for example, the content guild I am in is focused on indigenous knowledge. Of course, both of these guilds are what you make of them, as just about every aspect of Gaia U has the potential to be.).

I found my meetings with the Masters (process) guild to be particularly inspiring. We started out by talking about consensus processes and a bit of logistics but quickly got in to conversation about more personal perspectives on peacemaking. We talked about the three principles of peace of the Iroquois Confederacy – peace in ones heart when interacting with the world, gratitude and unity- and how we lived and perceived each of these principles. It was beautiful to feel connected to a group that is grounding itself in such pure principles. It was a joy to feel that each persons sharing added something precious to our group understanding, but that at the same time everything said was already within me and was a reflection of my deepest beliefs.

During the second week we also talked a bit about Spiral Dynamics, Re-Evaluation Counseling and the Patrix. I had been introduced to the first two to some degree through my Ecovillage training at Findhorn and through friends. There’s lots of in depth information on the internet if you’re interested in finding out more! The Patrix is a word used to describe the “interconnected systems of oppressions” that are implicit to mainstream culture- racism, sexism, patriarchy, homophobia, etc.
We also explored some of the more recent analyses of historical climate change patterns. Andrew Langford, one of Gaia U’s founders, introduced us to his theory that climate change is the result of cultural trauma. Humanity is trying to recreate the trauma of historical massive climate change (such as the glaciers, where the majority of the human population was wiped out) so as to heal ourselves from these experiences. Needless to say, this sparked a lot of discussion.

Am Per Sand

After the first few nights I was effectively rained out of my tent home. Kathryn, one of the Farm folk originally from Buffalo, invited me to co-inhabit her treehouse until my tent dried out, which was blessing and lots of fun. Alex, another farm live-in from the wilds of New Jersey, had just had his mango tree home catch on fire in the middle of the night (- lesson learned- don’t leave candles burning at night, especially if you live on a wooden platform in a tree. Ehem.), so we both ended up relocating to the treehouse sporadically throughout the orientation. I cherished these evenings of storytelling, music and dry sleeping spaces J. The crazy ants were a bit annoying, but manageable.

The last day of orientation found me swimming in the ocean and dancing the night away at Rainbow Rhythms (local bar) to a local live gypsy flamenco band.
Around midday I galavanted off to the beach with a crew who were going diving, thinking it would be my only chance before leaving, and had my first experience snorkeling- waaaa! Amazing! I’d never seen the bottom of the ocean before…it’s something like a desert, only with fluorescent fish everywhere. I felt dazed when I came back to land, as if I’d been in a dream…
When we got back to VISFI we discovered we were just in time for our closing circle and that we were then all going, where else, to the beach.

We closed with a circle on the knoll where I had watched a dozen sun and moon rises, seen a stiltwalker dance, done circus gymnatics and acro-yoga, lay for hours in a cuddle heap, sang and eaten and cried and danced and held at least 30 different people from across the globe in my arms.

I led the group in a song that has been precious to me of late…
“When I rise, let me rise
like a bird,
joyfully
and when I fall, let me fall
like a leaf
gracefully, without regret.”

The next morning Alex and Kathryn drove me to the airport. We sang the whole way (“well its times like these I feel so small and wild, like the rambling footsteps of a wandering child…”), narrowly avoided an accident (which I took as a sign that the universe had not fully made its mind if I really ought to be leaving either) and I made it onto the plane without crying my eyes out. I am getting better at farewell, as it has become “see you next time” in my heart.

let the fires burn all night
in the cradle of your heart
remember
you are made of water.
melt into the now of all being
know yourself
as mostly space

atoms dancing along
the spine of creation
tickling the sides of is, was, will be
remember
forever is in the eye of the moment

you live in the spaces between breaths

we speak in whispers when dreaming ends
holding the spark of life
in too small hands
unfurling our wings
but slowly
learning to grow with grace
learning to love like children
finding ourselves in the ripples of wind
that chase memories from tangled hair & tree branches

sing into the hollow of me
that I may know you from the inside out
& so
see myself more clearly.

Flying over Miami I am intrigued and frightened by the many constructed lakes each surrounded by condo plantations and/or what look like mining operation of some kind. The waters are of various colours representing chlorinated pools, algae filled swamp lands and what looks like iron rich sludge, this last particularly dense around the scarified areas where bulldozers plough the raw earth too and fro.
We fly low over the flat roofs of industrial buildings—an inner voice says “what are you doing people? This could all be green…You’re going to have to change things fast some day soon…” I have a really hard time seeing these endless expanses of roof-space being put to no good use—reflecting the sun back at itself, trapping noxious gases in the atmosphere.
Cities scare me sometimes. The balance is all off.
I look out on the concrete, the six lane highways, the cars streaming by, the horizon of desecration and damage that can only be seen clearly from above…and my heart aches, and my eyes hurt, and my body gets ready to run. Back to the forests and the fields and the sanity of wide-open spaces. Even the melancholy of winter landscapes and long nights of absolute silence.

American propaganda machines scare me sometimes. I am confronted with them immediately whenever I enter this country. (Vermont doesn’t count, okay?)
No wonder so many people believe what they do- information is provided with no context, no truth needed for the messages repeated often enough are consumed like white bread and soft drinks. No questions asked.
The demonization of Obama by the conservative media is shocking in its bluntness and in its claims to objectivity and accuracy.

The low ceilings, pristine white walls and fluorescent lights of this corner of the aiport are claustrophobic. The chairs are filled with rasta men and families- my company to st-croix.

So the adventure begins to unfold.