On the bus from Sudbury to Toronto…my eventual destination, Peterborough, seems further away with every late departure. As happens frequently, I am reminded of Star Trek-’Captains log, stardate 200211…returning from a mission in the alpha quadrant…’
Snapshots :
In my mothers childhood home in old St-Vital, Winnipeg, my uncle and I pull out the World atlas. We zoom in on the trans-Canada highway…I trace the red line with my finger. ‘Vancouver, Victoria, Edmonton, Saskatoon, Roseisle, Winnipeg…’ The names feel like old friends I would recognize on the street, maybe even call out to, smiling, welcoming the familiarity of acquaintance.
Never anything beyond that though. We know each others names, have laughed at some of the same jokes at the same parties, but never breeched any serious topics. Until now.
I feel like I am discovering this country for the first time.
These cities underbellies reveal themselves through the narratives of those that live there, those people and homes that shelter me from the February nights. ‘It’s a car city ,» people say of; Vancouver, Edmonton, Saskatoon, Winnipeg, Victoria…’ Gentrification scars the landscape in each place I visit.
In Alberta we drove through 3 hours of landscape where the mountains looked like graveyards, the trees all toppled over, lifeless. « Probably from burning » says uncle Rawle. Still, in the moment I watched the train curve its way around the mountains like a colourful viper and wondered about clear-cutting as we passed a well-stocked lumber mill. Was it? Could we be that stupid?
The Edmonton bus station : People are now routinely searched before boarding greyhound buses. In Edmonton I found a refreshing camraderie amongst the older generation boarding the bus…we laughed and laughed as the old ladies were searched for dangerous objects.
A guy named Jason plunks himself down next me saying ‘ you have an extraordinary look about you…do you mind if I sit next to you on the bus so we can chat?’ His green and gold eyes and open face give me nothing to worry about. Four hours later a new friend has been made.
In Saskatoon I remember the feeling of being a walking target, the feeling of being perceived as a native women in an area where these women disappear on a regular basis, where ‘sensible whites’ refuse to associate with these thieving, good for nothing…people.
‘This land is your land, this land is our land…but only if you’re made in Canada…’ This poem, written in response to the theme ‘Made in Canada’ given by the CBC for a slam I once participated in, is on a loop in my inner ear. ‘These women were not made in Canada…but a land before canada was made, a maiden canada…’
Twelve hours from Saskatoon to Winnipeg…At each bus stop one of the passengers gets off and tells the restaraunt workers that the chip machine ate his money. Hopefully the $4 per stop accumulates up to something worthwhile, something that might ease his heavy pacing, his erratic, frantic body language. Is our observation without intereference part of some kind of solidarity between passengers?
The air is lively with talk- philosophy, right and wrong, buddhism, what does it mean to be spiritual? To practice spiritualiy? Music…music as connection, music as a means of living compassion, of spreading love…music music music. People are supportive, interested, inspired- ‘ you’re doing this all alone?’ ‘you mean you just decided to go on a tour and…did?’ Well…yyeeeeah?
People want to talk to me about Quebec, about the politics of language, about my accent or my lack of accent (‘oh, you don’t sound like you’re from Quebec at all,’ ‘yeah, i could totally tell, you have a bit of an accent »), about my heritage and upbringing. When I say that I’m part Indian I add, almost apologetically ‘from India.’
There’s something about it. The complete unknown of each day. The encounters, unplanned, with complete strangers and kindred spirits. The ability to leap and know you will be caught somewhere before you hit bottom. Traveling, to me, is about restoring faith in life. Caught in a wheel of reaction, life moving so fast around you, there is nothing to do but open both hands to the sky and say ‘what will it be then?’ And believe it’ll all be for the best.
One week ago Mubarak resigned from office. The morning after my performance in Edmonton there are festivals in the streets across the globe.Now shooting in Bharain. Protesters shot in Iran, Libya…Who knows what tomorrow brings? What meaning does this work I’m doing have in the context of all this upheaval…
Before each performance I ask myself ‘why?’ Stepping down from stage I say ‘I see, thanks for reminding me.’ It’s hard not to feel like performing is a completely self-centered activity (why do I think self-centered activity is a bad thing? I know, i know…). And it can be. But when I am standing up there now, when I feel my self standing, strong, eyes glowing outwards, words pouring from my heart I know there is something more to it. I haven’t found anything quite like this in terms of intensive growth methods for the soul. And I feel utterly transformed. Maybe it’d that this is the year of the rabbit, maybe it’s many years of self-exploration paying off…whatever it is, I all of a sudden feel good, really good, about performing. I feel I am able to humanize the experience, to reach out and offstage into peoples eyes and hearts. Am I foolng myself? The conversations that trip off tongues after each sharing lead me to believe not.